When I was 19, I doubted God’s existence. My parents were separated and heading towards divorce after more than 20 years of marriage. I had just finished my first year of undergraduate school and my grades were terrible. I was in the process of determining who I was and who I wanted to be away from the constraints of my native community. And, in my naiveté, I could not reconcile adversity with my understanding of what it meant to be a “child of the Most High God”.
I am the daughter of a 3rd generation Pentecostal pastor and an educator who is also a Bible scholar. My parents met at Bible college and oversaw a predominantly African American church in a small East Texas town. With that upbringing came the inheritance of specific spiritual beliefs and religious practices that established God – in multiple forms – as the center of life and truth.
I can’t recall my first time hearing about God. He was always part of my imagination in the same way that I’ve always known my parents and older brothers. God was like an unseen 6th member of the family, a patriarch of sorts, who was always there hearing my thoughts and watching my every move. Like many kids, I was brought up to acknowledge the authority of God, to pray ritualistically, to read the Bible and to try to conduct my life according to its principles. Like many African American kids, my beliefs of God largely drew from those of my enslaved ancestors: God advocated for His children in ways that resulted in tangible benefits, even if it went against conventionality, but only if He was acknowledged.
As I began to experience life outside of the bubble, however, some of those presumed teachings began to break down. My spiritual and personal identities were evolving and many of the ideas that were passed down seemed unsubstantiated. I had questions that I could not sort out. If we were loved by God and living according to our understanding of His will, why were I and my loved ones having so many difficulties? Why was God not acknowledging our efforts? What were the tangible benefits of being connected to an all-powerful God if He would not act in your favor? And, these questions led to bigger ontological questions. How do I know that God is real, anyway? And, why should I believe that only Christians who hold certain philosophical beliefs are going to Heaven? Why do I have to acknowledge God as male if I, as a female, am made in “His” image? Only because someone told me to? It didn’t make sense to me, and I began to look for proof of God’s existence to ensure that I wasn’t wasting my time.
My natural inclination was to ask around to see why others believed in God. Unsurprisingly, many in my circle pointed to the Bible as “proof”, restating religious rhetoric that we were taught to unequivocally accept. For that very reason, the Bible did not work for me – in my mind, it stemmed from the same branch that I needed to investigate. My next inclination was to explore literature documenting the accounts of non-Christians and the ways that real-world phenomena have aligned with Biblical predictions. I felt that if I could prove Christian philosophies, I could prove the overarching idea of God. I read Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ to review evidence of Jesus’ existence. I also began to pay closer attention to news and events that reflected scriptures that I’d read or heard about. While all of this made for interesting findings and new knowledge, there were still too many holes to prove that any of this was real – too many ways to challenge what I’d discovered. As a result, for the next decade or so, I wrestled with the idea of God being real. Although I continued in familiar religious traditions, and would from time to time feel a connection with God, more often than not I was doubtful. When my life made sense, I believed God to be real. When it didn’t, I divorced Him and mentally denied His existence.
My “Hello, God” Moment
My “Hello, God” moment occurred many years later while my husband, Bavu, and I were relocating from Austin, TX, to Los Angeles, CA. I had just completed classwork for my doctoral program and was set to conduct fieldwork in that area. For the 22 hour trip, we decided to share the driving load, and the moment occurred during one of my shifts. I had been behind the wheel for a couple of hours – cruising at 85 mph – as Bavu slept, when the smoothness of the ride suddenly changed. I didn’t think much of it and only figured that we had reached a rough patch on the highway. After about a minute, Bavu began to stir, and he asked me what was going on. I told him what I thought, but he knew exactly what was about to happen. As he started to say, “No, wait, it feels like a blow out”, the tire popped, and I lost control of the car. Everything from that moment on felt like slow motion. We began to do donuts, and I remember turning into the skid, as I was told to do in driving school. I also remember saying “Jesus” about 10 times because that is also what I had been taught to do in times of desperation. Because of God’s protection, we did not endure a tragedy on that day. Though there were other cars and trucks on the road, we did not hit anyone. Though we’d passed many parts of the highway that were surrounded by mountains, we didn’t hit any of those either. The car only received minimal damage as it skidded into the grassy roadside and stopped about 2 feet before hitting a tree.
God personally introduced Himself to me on that day. It was as if He descended from Heaven, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hello”. But, not really, because God was always all around me – only, I had chosen not to quiet my mind, release the need for rationality, and recognize the many moments that God was trying to reveal Himself in ways that religiosity and personal investigations never could.
James Cone states:
God is not that pious feeling in our hearts, nor is God a being “out there” or “up there”….The immanence of God is the infinite expressing itself in the finite. It is God becoming concrete in finite human existence. We are able to speak of the divine because the divine is revealed in the concreteness of this world.
God is Divine, yet interacts with the physical world. He is infinite, yet connects with and speaks to us individually. I call these times of personal interaction and revelation “Hello, God” moments. They might present themselves as a miracle when the unexpected occurs and saves the day. Or, they might be more subtle – a voice in your gut guiding your decisions and helping you navigate your daily lives. During “Hello, God” moments, you connect with the Divine outside of the cloak of religious tradition and dogma that may result in narrow spiritual understandings. Without doubt, our spiritual awareness is often initiated by interactions within a larger religious community and the beliefs presented therein. Yet, our spirituality deepens with personal experiences that lead to particular understandings about God’s will and character within our idiosyncratic lives. These are the times that God (re)introduces Himself, sometimes as savior, sometimes as Lord, but often as friend. These are also the moments that we hold on to when our faith is shaken, as they become personal testimonies and accounts of God’s existence and participation in our everyday realities.
I believe in God because He interacts with me daily. And, although I still don’t have all of the answers or fully comprehend the mysteries of God and even, at times, feel that my religious understandings contradict my beliefs as a scholar, woman and human being, these moments of personal interaction with God prove that He is real for me and encourage me to continue in my spiritual journey.
So, now I’d love to hear from you. How do you know for yourself that God is real? What is one of your earliest “Hello, God” moments?
Hello, God 
Reading this essay was a “Hello, God!” moment for me. I thought to myself, “Yes! In many ways that’s exactly what I’ve wanted to express, but couldn’t write it clearly.” Thank you, Ellsmom! The song “Turn Around” by Donnie is the perfect musical supplement to your written piece. Peace.
I love that song, and yes, you’re right – it fits well with this post. Thank you so much for your comment, Brook!
I know God is real through many divine encounters that I could not explain or reason my way out of. I know God is real when circumstances in my dictate I should be broken, shattered, or depressed, and I have peace that surpassed my understanding. I know God is real through His creation…man, animals, trees, and the ocean. God is all and in all.
Amen, Unitha! Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful testimony. We sometimes choose to ignore God’s whisper until they become screams. I look forward to more inspiration!! Good werk!
Ain’t that the truth, Shonda. I’m learning daily not to ignore those whispers!
On of my “Hello, God” moments was when my daughter, who was 2 months old at the time, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. I was in a situation where the only thing that I could do was trust God. I couldn’t fix the issue, I was completely helpless. At that moment I became completely dependent on God.
Amazing testimony, Chiana. I can only imagine how much your faith increased during that time! God is amazing – thank you for sharing.
Reblogged this on Omar A. Muhammad, Th.M and commented:
This blog in a fresh word to those of the Christian community who wonder about the foundation of their inherited faith. For the questions alone that were raised this should be read. However the fact that this child God has been vulnerable enough to express her doubts and press on to faith the read is worth the time. I recommend that you take a look see. ….
Thanks so much, Omar – I’m going to check out your blog.
Thanks for reblogging, Omar!
Makes lots of sense to me!
My “Hello God” moment happened when I realized that something I had asked him for had already happened. I found myself asking when is he going to do it. Then the revelation or should I say the “Hello God” moment hit me . He already has….It was the beginning of my journey to seek his presence in my everyday life. I spent several weeks telling others of my revelation and how thankful I am. It was the beginning of my understanding of all that he is to me and others around me. It was the beginning of what has evolved into the best relationship I could ever imagine.
Thank you for creating this blog.
I love this! I often do the same thing – ask God when it is that I am going to receive what it is that I think I need, not recognizing that I already have it. Thanks so much for sharing!
It would! 🙂
Thank you, ellsmom, for such a beautiful, relevant blog, and for your refreshing transparency. My earliest “Hello God” moment occurred the night God appeared to me in the spirit, as I sat in a choir stand of St. John Baptist Church in Tampa, Florida more than 35 years ago. As we awaited the start of rehearsal to prepare for our first trip to the Gospel Music Workshop of America in New York, the Spirit of God showed me a black hole directly in front of me. I immediately recognized the condition of my soul. As the hole increased in size, I cried out to God in my spirit to do something. There was no time for a ‘sinner’s prayer’, or recitation of Scripture. Instantly, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, rolling across the floor, speaking in unknown tongues. For some this might not have been unusual, however, I grew up in a conservative Institutional Baptist church that never mentioned the Charismatic gifts, or taught about the Holy Spirit. So, the first person I ever heard speak in tongues was ME! The full experience of all that transpired that night solidified the reality of God’s Person and love for me. It also challenged everything I thought I knew from years of church and Sunday school attendance. Hello!
Such an amazing testimony and revelation, Pastor Esi. Thank you so much for sharing!
This is so inspirational and encouraging thank you for starting this blog sis. My experience is supernatural Healing. I knew in the times I needed healing, when the Doctor said, “there isn’t anything more we can do” So I thought why not ask God , & I didn’t know Him that well at all, so I ask as it’s indicated in the Bible with just a little faith. Then the healing came out of prayer asking God in the name of Jesus, I felt what I can only explain as heat like a heating pad, heat in my elbow, although it was my heart that was under attack it was my heart that was failing, I’d gone through radiation treatments, and was on all kind of medicine. After prayer a comfort come over me, that I’d never felt before. It took a few days before I realize what took place, the pain was gone I could breathe, & I’ve never been the same or sick like before. I just simply spoke in prayer what the Bible said, and it happened. I knew that had to be Almighty God. He never stops !! & It’s been more than once . In different areas. Mine was an illness and restoration. Now I’m a fitness instructor with an amazing Strong heart, the doctors said I should not be alive. God did it, that’s my Hello Abba moment. And many more! He is really ALMIGHTY! He is really alive!
Encouraging testimony, Beatrice! God can do anything, literally, and it’s inspiring to have the stories that back that up!
Hello God it me again… I love this idea and the fact that you are going forward with it. Dr. Tiffani your boldness in sharing your doubts will help your target audience. The questions that you raised in the blog were worth the read for me. Your conclusion that there is a God based on your personal experience with Him is key for me. We all need to come to faith in God for our selves. It seems that until we have known Him in the light and dark times of our experience we only know him in small part. Our experience, Hello God, moments with the divine is a life changing and affirming thing.
My Hello God moments happen for me daily now. But the first time I really knew that He is active and dynamic in my life was when He spoke to me after I had put down the bible. I had been practicing Islam but not so religiously. I said that I believed in God but I had begun to live as though God really did not exist. But my impoverished living situation pushed me to seek God more in ernest. So I read the Quran for the fist time for myself I was 19 years old. That went well but the Quran introduced me to Jesus. I wanted to know Who this Jesus is that was presented in the Quran?
I wanted to know more about him because the book that I trusted the Holy Quran spoke of Him. So I was challenged to read the Holy Bible because it was the most comprehensive book about Jesus. I did not know what I was getting into nor where to start. ( what I did know that I was not trying to be a Christian) I started reading / research in Genesis. I had read large portions of the Hebrew bible by the time my Hello God experienced came. I had put the bible down and went about my day…. so I was surprised when I heard a voice in my head saying “You have spent a lot of time reading My word.” I tried to ignore it but the statement came to me two more times so i figured that I would answer the statement with Yes I have… then I heard I am going to judge you by what you Know. Now I had just been reading about the earth swallowing up folk that disobeyed God. So I was a bit concerned for if this was God then I would be held responsible for what that I learned about his wrath and power but at this point I knew little about His grace. But I knew enough to know that I could not fight Him and win. So I told the voice that I was going to roll with Him. And I have been rolling with Him ever since. Thanks why I started this response with the way I’m going to end it. Hello God it me again….
“It seems that until we have known Him in the light and dark times of our experience we only know him in small part….” So true, Pastor Omar, and that’s such a premise to this blog. While religion and cliches and those things about God that your proverbial “Big Momma” used to say all introduces you to God, spirituality and faith, your experiences are what deepens that relationship and allow you to begin to know Him in His fullness. And, it may look different for everybody.
Your journey is amazing! You set yourself up to be where you are right now. Reminds me of my father saying that God creates situations for revelation. Thank you for sharing!
Amen! Powerful testimony! Thank you for letting Him work and speak through you!
Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and support, Alina!
Tifani! My spirit leaped when I started reading this. I sooo connected to your article and could see myself in it. As a child I attended your Dad’s church in East Texas and that experience formed the basis of my religious beliefs and practices. I remember the watch night service of 1984 with everyone clapping and praising God and your father saying we’re “Alive in ’85.” I was eight years old when your Dad baptized me and I remember knowing that this was very special and meant I was connected with God. I was a follower of Jesus and needed to abide by what the Bible said. I carried my Bible to school all of the next week and stored it in my locker. However, like you, it was many years later before I truly understood who Jesus was and what He did for me. I’m not sure if I ever doubted God’s existence, but for many years I was in the dark about how much He loved me and cared about the details of my life so I lived any type of way. I look forward to more articles on this subject! It is near and dear to my heart.
Thanks so much for sharing, Angela! I think when you’re raised in church, spirituality and religion becomes so second nature that we don’t really consider what it all means. That lack of consideration keeps us from reaching our greatest potential.
Wow! Awesome story Tifani…
Thanks, Al!
This piece gave me LIFE!! I agree with a previous blogger that reading this was a Hello, God moment for me. I can relate to so much of what was said. I so many times I’ve felt like I wasn’t as close to God as others I was around. But then there are times when He shows Himself to me in ways no one else could fathom. Beautifully stated sister!!
Thanks so much, Jeanette! I appreciate you and your support!
My 1st Hello God moment occurred when I was a teenager. I was raised Catholic and although I truly believed that they must be some type of “God” I wasn’t sure what that meant to me. I went through the process of my training and 1st communion and confirmation yet I never felt any connection to this God. One day I visited another church and while the choir sang, I began to feel connected to the lyrics. Once the preacher began his sermon I felt the proverbial chills on my arms and I felt a warmth. It was my first spiritual connection and my Hello God moment. I felt peaceful and I knew that God was present. Although I am not “religious”, my belief and faith in God and His love for us has never waivered since that day.
What a great moment! I love hearing about how different people experience the presence of God. Thank you so much for sharing!
As you know, I’m the daughter of a Pentecostal Bishop. Every single one of my uncles (and some of my aunts) are pastors, that makes about 12 of them. Both grandfathers were ministers. Basically, I couldn’t get away from church if I wanted to! With that said……..I DON’T know that God is real 😦 I even sort of stopped looking for him. The truth is that I HOPE he is real. That’s all I got. There are so many things that don’t connect – so many biblical and philosophical holes. Why are we anthropomorphizing God? Why did he choose the Jews as his chosen people? Why is Christianity specifically the only way to salvation? And on and on……..the questions are staggering and I have spent so much time reading books ( I ALSO read the Case for Christ and really loved it!) having incredibly profound conversations, meditating, traveling, re-reading the Bible and other sacred texts – all in an effort to find an analytical and quantitative explanation for God and Jesus. At the end of the day there is simply too much information to ingest and no way to pinpoint anything so I am simply relying on my HOPE. That’s enough for me right now. I WANT to believe that there is some meaning, some protection, some rhyme and reason to it all – or else I’ll stop getting out of bed in the morning. I NEED to believe these things but I don’t know for sure and may never know. I can’t believe I’m even writing these things down where others can see!!! I loooooove your blog however and will be with you every step of the way as informed, thoughtful dialogue about God and belief is always of interest to me! You’re awesome Tif.
RIGHT, Stevvi!!!! Everything that you said is how I’ve been feeling. I think religion is difficult for 2 types of people (among others), both of whom we are: PK’s and people with wide parameters. It’s very difficult to assume some things at face value when your varied experiences and those of others that you meet contradict them. Also, the church makes it so difficult to express doubt and to ask questions. It’s taboo to even ask why and/or how, so folks who are inquisitive, like us, are left with no place to go.
But, yeah, at the end of the day, we can only hope and rely on our faith. Sometimes thinking about what it would mean if God DIDN’T exist encourages me to declare His existence because I can’t afford for His existence not to be real. Like you said, I NEED to believe, even if I’m not 100% sure. Thank you SO much for sharing your awesome insights and journey!
Wow! I love the article but I’m also enjoying the responses. My “Hello God” moments happen mostly in nature. When I’m flying and I see a rainbow around my plane. When I’m in a garden and a hummingbird stops in mid air, fluttering it’s wings to keep it fluttering just in front of my face. When I look out at the sea and see the water transition into 5 different shades of blue. When I’m floating in the ocean and my ears are just below the surface and I’m looking up into the sky and all I hear is the sound of the universe all around me. Those are my “Hello God” moments. Thank you so much for sharing yours!!
This is just beautiful! I feel God in nature, too. And, when I’m not out there for an extended amount of time because of weather, etc., I feel something is missing. It’s nothing like witnessing the awesomeness of the world to know that God exists.
My Hello God moment was when I had my seven month old child in my arms while starring at a double barrel shot gun pointed at my chest by my child’s father. When my grandmother began to pray and the tears ran down his face and he dropped the gun and allowed me to walk away alive. That’s when I knew that I needed to meet God on a personal level. Even though I struggle from time to time in my walk I will NEVER forget that day when I said HELLO GOD.
Wow, Sharnee – what a POWERFUL story! I got chills. Hello God, for real!
Awesome revelation and thank you for sharing. It made me look back at my Hello God moment about 15 years ago. I did not grow up in church and did not really know who God was until I was an Adult! My Mom was a single parent of 6 and we were all doorsteps one year apart in age. My Father deserted us and was an alcoholic, Never spending anytime in our lives. He died drinking at a party so drunk he hit his head on a coffee table and died. My Mother worked All the time to care for us, therefore my older sister became Mother, teacher, and caregiver to us all. We would attend church but was not active or maintained a membership. That is why I didn’t truly know God! My Mother did tell us God loved us and She ALWAYS prayed and told us we had to memorize John 14… Even today, All my siblings and myself can quote that scripture in our sleep!
As an adult, my good friend invited me to go to her church with a new young Pastor! She bragged of how He could really teach from the scriptures so babies could understand. Since, I had not spent a lot of time getting to know God, I was interested in knowing more about Him. During the service it was true, The Pastor taught and preached a Great message. When it was time for the altar call, he had 3 or 4 appeals. In His 3rd appeal He said there is a lady here and He shared a word for her and told Her to come up so He could pray with her. That was Totally my moment with God! When I tell you Woman of God, it was as though God Himself was speaking to me! He had Never talked to me… I was FROZEN in my chair, I could not move…actually from Fear! I know now God does not give us a Spirit of fear, I guess it happened to me because I truly was getting to know Him. The Pastor said something that was happening in my life that I know only God and myself new! I had not shared it with Anyone… I was Amazed at His presence, and that He cared so much for me. He singled me out to tell me Everything would be okay!!! So, WOG… No one can convince me that our Heavenly Father does not exist or that He want come see about you!
Today, my walk is not easy, but so worth it now that I know I am a child of God! Many blessings to you always!
Praise God for your story and your amazing journey! Thank you so much for sharing it!
WOW……
Tifani, Tifani, Tifani the name meaning “Appearance Of God” “Manifestation Of God” “Hello God”
Just now had that moment, this blog is so NEEDED, Tif, you know we share the same name and many…….conversations on faith, believing in things not seen, we are the manifestation, we are created in His image, we are the conviction, We have the POWER, He is Us and We Are Him. We are connected on purpose, not by chance, in the literal sense. 😉
I know why we are connected, I understand, I LOVE you and I am truly GRATEFUL. ♡
Much Love~
I SO love the way your broke down our names! I never even made the connection. That is AWESOME! Yes, God is us and we are Him. He’s all around, and we are connected on purpose. Love it – thanks for sharing!
I recall hearing the voice of God, as far back as I can remember. At that stage of my life I didn’t even truly understand what/who God was, but what I did know was the voice I heard was full of love and authority. He would tell me things, and I would repeat them to my grandmother, and she would sit in awe. The older I got, the smaller the voice became. I say smaller, because that is the best way to describe the experience. It wasn’t a loud voice, nor was it quiet. The voice to me at the time was just really big. I guess similar to a 4yr old standing next to a parent that seems to be 10ft tall. Just as a parent seems to shrink as you age and grow in stature, the voice became smaller as my world began to grow. What’s interesting is that, not until I walked further and deepened my understanding of God, did I realize that my first hello God moment was so long ago. The duration of which lasted the entire span of my childhood. Now as an adult, I intentionally seek the voice that had the biggest impact on my life. The world around me seems smaller, easier to handle and navigate, when I allow the voice to become bigger. There you have it, my hello God moment.
AMAZING insight! I just want to chew on everything that you stated, specifically the ways that God can become magnified or reduced depending on your stage and situation. We also make conscious choices to allow the voice of God to become big or remain small. Good stuff!
This is awesome! I’m about to tell the world about this blog!
(dap)
Wow – thanks so much, JD! I appreciate it!