“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” -C. S. Lewis

When I was younger, I had a false sense of humility. I believed that thinking less of myself was admirable and that always putting the thoughts, desires, and opinions of others before mine was praiseworthy.

My misconception of humility came from a number of different sources.  As girls and women, we are often taught to suppress our opinions, our emotions, our voices.  We are told not to be cocky in our bad-assness or draw too much attention to our talents. As Black women, we are often taught that the primary demonstration of our strength comes from being the foundation (and often, doormat) by which others grow and flourish – that too much self-confidence can be perceived as arrogance and that arrogance is…*gasp*…unladylike. To be humble, it was taught, was “to have a low or modest view of one’s own importance”. And even the Good Book warns us “Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought…” (Rom. 12:3).

Some time ago, I began to question what humility really meant. What does it mean to have a modest view of yourself, specifically in a society that seemingly strives to reduce your self-value and self-worth?  What does it mean to remain “low” when others are trying to hold you down?  At what point does not fully owning your greatness become detrimental to your self-confidence and self-worth?  If I really am brilliant, talented and powerful, does recognizing it constitute thinking more highly about myself than I ought to? I think not.

I now understand the balancing act of humility: It is recognizing the bad-ass that God has designed me and us to be but not inflating it to make others feel worthless. It is owning and walking in my power, while acknowledging God and our ancestors as the source of it. It is knowing when to allow others to go before me and knowing when it is my turn. It is also seeing and respecting the intelligence, gifts, talents, beauty and significance that reside in others.

And, with that stated, this is what I know for sure and tell myself daily:

I can have whatever I want.

Nothing is impossible for me. Nothing at all.

I understand my strength and am not afraid of it.

I walk in my calling and in who I am.

The rules of the world don’t apply to me.

I am a child of God, a child of Ruth and Noel, a grandchild of Robert and Marjorie and the wife of Bavu.

I move as I am led without fear.

I am a visionary.

I am unapologetically gifted.

I embrace obstacles and beat them down.

I speak truth to power.

I am comfortable in my own skin.

I don’t intimidate easily.

I can do anything.

I got everything I need.

What is your definition of humility? What are some things about yourself that you know for sure?